The Cracked Pot

I’ve got tonnes of flowers but no tomatoes, what the hell?

It’s all about the birds and the bees.

Here’s how it works (don’t laugh): fruit requires pollination to actually produce. You’ve grown a great looking plant, lots of beautiful flowers, and now you’re waiting for the fruit to show. For this to happen, the pollen from your male flowers needs to make it over to the female flowers, if you know what I’m saying.

Normally, bees go from flower to flower throughout your yard collecting pollen to make honey back at the hive. Inevitably, they transfer a bit from one flower to another, thereby pollinating and allowing the fruit to develop. I like to think of bees as the original artificial insemination scientist of nature, but really they’re just pimps looking for some sugar.

Sometimes, this doesn’t always happen though. Why?

• You kept then in the greenhouse too long, you silly bugger. This is a tempting mistake. Tomatoes love heat and do oh-so-well in the greenhouse, but once the flowers show you gotta pull them out so the bees can pollinate them.
• You got a head start. If you start your tomatoes early inside and keep them warm in a greenhouse, the flowers will develop nice and early. If this happens too early though, the bees won’t be out of hibernation and on the scene until after your flowers are spent so you won’t get any fruit.
• You don’t have any bees nearby. If you’re up in a highrise with no greenspaces around, it’s possible there just aren’t any bees around to do the dirty deed.
• Global warming. As we face the prospect of major climate change, nature’s cycles could get a bit tossed up. It’s possible we may get some extremely cold spring weather that keeps the bees in hibernation longer than expected, and kills the natural pollination cycle. Flowers bloom and there’s no bees around to pollinate.

So what do you do if this happens? Easy.

Carefully pick 1-2 of flowers from each plant. Take a flower and gently rub the open end on the flowers of another plant. Keep going until you’re satisfied that you’ve cross-pollinated. All you’re doing is taking the place of a bee, so if you’re drunk while you do this, feel free make a ridiculously loud buzzing sound and stagger in a zig-zag pattern about the yard.

I don’t know much about the whole male and female thing when it comes to plants, so I just over do it a little and rub lots of flowers together to make sure we’ve got enough male-on-female-action to make a little magic.

But remember, it’s better to let the bees do the deed naturally for you if you don’t have to get involved. Why?

• By pulling off flowers to pollinate, you’re reducing the overall number of tomatoes you could get.
• Bees need pollen to make honey and survive, so if you’ve got your tomatoes all locked up where the bees can’t get in, you’re taking away a good source of pollen from them. If you’re in an urban area with not much greenspace, your pollen becomes even more vital.
• You’ve got enough to do in your garden without having to manually pollinate flowers for chirst’s sakes. Let the birds and the bees do their thing, man.

If you haven’t seen any bees at your tomatoes by May, do the deed and try planting a nice lavender plant for next year. Bees love lavender so they’ll show up next year.

Tags: pollination, tomato flowers, Tomatoes

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